Remembering what you're forgetting

Do you every remember what you forget? I do all too often. I mean that in the way that I forget how good my life is, sometimes. I say my grateful prayers every night because I truly am grateful, but sometimes it takes something outside of my life to help me to remember that my life really is beautiful.

I get so wrapped up in all the stress and pressure that I start to withdraw in the areas I should be throwing myself into. It's so frustrating to watch myself do it too. I feel it happening and I go into panic-mode when it comes to finding my way back to the place that I really feel like I need to be.

I lay in bed at night listing all the things I want to be better at (a better mom, a better wife, a better missionary, a better family member, a better friend, a better student...) and the list is just endless. It goes on and on and on. After making my list, I devise a plan to achieve all of these goals. In my plan, I assign myself one thing for each category of needed progress, to achieve in my everyday life. When you have a ridiculously long list of improvements like I have, it's extremely overwhelming. It's impossible to live the life that I'm required to live with the very small amount of time that I have to achieve 200 lofty goals each and everyday. It almost always brings me to tears and pushes me to the edge of an anxiety attack. Maybe this is why I don't sleep well?

One night, before I let this crazy cycle begin, I read the scripture:

"And it came to pass that while they were thus conversing one with another, they heard a voice as if it came out of heaven; and they cast their eyes round about, for they understood not the voice which they heard; and it was not a harsh voice, neither was it a loud voice; nevertheless, and notwithstanding it being a small voice it did pierce them that did hear to the center, insomuch that there was no part of their frame that it did not quake; yea, it did pierce them to the very soul and did cause their hearts to burn." (Book of Mormon, 3Nephi, Chapter 3, verse 3)

In reading this, it hit me that I haven't been trying my best to be in tune with the Holy Spirit lately. I haven't asked for help from Heavenly Father. I haven't asked for guidance and understanding in parenting, being a wife, friend, or person. I had taken the step of figuring out what needs to change in my life, but I hadn't attempted the most important step of all...asking for help for the single individual that could help me achieve these goals.

After realizing this and having one of the longest and most spiritual prayers I've engaged in, in a very long time, I've felt help. I've felt patience, understanding, and a real desire to know ask and hear what is happening in lives outside my own. I've seen examples of what I want to model myself after popping up all over the place. There are reminders and "steps to be taken" everywhere that perfectly lay out my path to being better.

In all of this, I also have felt the need to realize what I have. I've come to see how privileged I am to have a kind and loving husband who yearns to take care of our family each and every day. I'm blessed with two beautiful girls who love me and give me hugs and kisses just because. I have so much family that cares about our family and would do anything to help us. I have the gospel of Jesus Christ and the knowledge that I can pray for help, comfort, peace, knowledge, and grace. I have a home.

Although, it's frustrating getting there, remembering what you're forgetting is one of the tenderest mercies we are given in this life. I'm so grateful.