Camera Fright

I hate having pictures taken of me. Like, I really hate it. Unless I have thoroughly mentally and physically prepped for a picture, I'm not down with it.

Why, you ask?

I critique every picture to death. I worry so much about how people will look at me based on a picture. I don't want to be that person that people see and say, "Wow, she's put on a lot of weight" or "Wow, she looks old, now".

I know it's petty and super vein, but it drives me crazy. I hardly give a what about anything anyone thinks about me, but it totally bothers me.

So, I've thought a lot about this. I've dodged pictures and done my best to make sure the only pictures taken of me are as prepared for as possible. It's exhausting and I've come to realize that if I continue to do this, I'm losing pictures.

I'm not taking pictures with my kids because I'm worried about what PEOPLE think.

I'm robbing them of history through pictures because I don't want a bad angle to make me look fat.

I'm not giving them proof of my existence in their life because I don't want to look bad to anyone else.

So, I've decided...no matter how terrible I think I look in a picture or how misleading the angle is, I'm going to make sure my presence is known. My girls need to have these pictures of me with them. They need to have something to look back at and see how much I loved them through the look on my face, captured in pictures. They also need the example of self confidence in this area. I don't want them to ever hold back on doing anything because they're afraid of "what people will think". Being prepped and prepared for pictures is not what life is about. Those pictures are not the ones that capture real life. I'm ready to be real.