I was holding Scotlyn and walking up the stairs at my parents house the other day. I passed the pictures on the walls like I normally do, when Scotlyn started making her recognition "DA!" sound at one specific picture. She was yelling excitedly at the one of my great-grandma, Nanny.
Her reaction caught me totally off guard because lately, she's been yelling, "DA!" when she sees and recognizes people she knows. She was making this noise at my great grandma, who I loved so much and miss everyday. I couldn't help but think that maybe she saw her up in Heaven and still remembers her. It could have been pure coincidence, but I love to think that Scotlyn could remember Nanny from Heaven.
Nanny moved in with my family when I was 8 years old and I was so excited she was moving in. At first, I was excited about the fact that I didn't have to go to daycare after school anymore. I got to come home and do whatever I wanted, or so I thought. When I was older, it meant something so much more.
At the time, I was struggling with my reading. My parents thought it would be a good idea for me to choose a book to read out loud to Nanny, everyday after school. I thought it was so stupid and embarrassing to sit and stutter through a book, in front of my great-grandma. I was always so irritated when she reminded me that it was time to read. Now, I'm so glad she insisted on having reading time. I have some hilarious memories of reading books based in the Civil War era of girls my age who lived in the south. I started getting really comfortable with reading out loud and I started reading in southern accents. She never once made fun of me. She just kept listening and acting as if it were completely normal to develop a southern draw when reading.
She always had the funniest things to say at the dinner table. We would think she wasn't listening and then she'd drop the most hilarious things I've ever heard. She was such a quiet and humble woman, which only made the shock factor so greater when she would bust out these hilarious jokes.
For a long time, I didn't have much to do with her because I was just so used to her living there. I was going through my selfish teenage years and hated everyone in my house, whether I had a reason to or not (and I didn't have a reason at all). I still regret that I didn't take that time to get to know more about her. She had some really interesting stories and unfortunately, they are so many I will never hear.
When I was almost 16, we were told she had two types of battling cancers that would only give her two more years on this earth. It was horrible to hear, but I still didn't start acting like I wish I had.
One year later, she got pneumonia and was extremely sick. Her epiglottis had stopped functioning and she was aspirating into her lungs every time she swallowed food or drinks. It took a little while for doctors to figure it out and she became sicker and sicker. At one point, they told us that she probably wouldn't make it thought the night, but she had other plans.
She was a fighter and after a few weeks, she had lost her ability to walk and was released to a rehabilitation facility. My family spent as much time as we could up at "the center". My mom was making two a day visits for awhile and then we started off-setting each other. During this time, I got to know so much more about Nanny and I learned about just a piece of who she was and how much she loved our family.
We were told multiple times several months before she passed that she wasn't going to make it through the night or through the week. She kept on, though and although it was so hard to see her go through so many things like feeding tubes, IV's, and hospital visits, she always had us laughing with her reactions to the people across the hall or in the dining room. She had the funniest things to say to them and her wit and boldness grew so much. She was beyond entertaining to be around.
She passed away on December 3, 2007 at age 92. I still can't believe it's been 4.5 years. I think about her all the time and especially as her birthday nears, this year (July 15).
It hurts my heart to know that she didn't get to meet my kids in this life. She would absolutely adore them. Babies and people were always attracted to her. It was like they could sense her warm spirit from across an entire super market. I know my kids would have loved her so much.
Scotlyn's reaction to Nanny's picture, although a possible coincidence, gave me so much happiness to remember that they Londyn and Scotlyn will meet her one day and she'll get the opportunity to hug and kiss them all day long. They'll get to know the beautiful person Nanny was. My heart is so full having the assurance of being in her presence, again, one day.
When I was pregnant with Londyn, I had a dream that she was sitting next to me with her hand on my belly. She was telling me how proud of me she was and how beautiful my baby was going to be. She told me how much she loved me and how much she loved this child. I still feel like that dream was sent from her and it will always fill me with such emotion.
I'm so lucky to have these small things happen to remind me that I'll see her again one day and our family will be together eternally. Seeing her and watching her with my children is one of the things I look forward to the most. It means the world to me to have such a beautiful promise made to me. I'm so lucky.
Miss you Nanny.
1 comment:
This is so sweet. What a comfort to know, as you said, that your girls will know her someday. What a special namesake!
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