Reality Check

It's another one of these posts!  : O!

Lately, I have been thinking a lot about that changes I want to make in my life. A lot of them have to do with making more of an effort to help my kids, Erik, and myself increase our spiritually throughout the day by making sure to include our morning family prayer, family and individual scripture study before bed, and family and spousal bedtime prayers every day. We do pretty good at these things, but we could definitely use improvement.

I've also been thinking a lot about the areas that I, as an individual need improvement. One of my biggest problems right now is allowing myself to stress to the point of becoming irritable, making me really hard to be around. Erik has been so patient with me but I still get so frustrated at myself when I look back at the way I reacted to situations throughout the day. I don't want to be this crazy stressed out person who my family as to tip-toe around.

I've been praying a lot about both of these things and trying to hand my worries to the Lord while pleading for help to specifically improve in these areas. I've never really had super revelations through scripture study, but sometimes things will stand out to me. Last night was the first time I can say that it was absolutely revelation. When I read this scripture passage, Heavenly Father's solution hit me like a truck.

And now remember,
remember, my brethren, that
whosoever perisheth, perisheth
unto himself; and whosoever
doeth iniquity, doeth it unto
himself; for behold, ye are free;
ye are permitted to act for
yourselves; for behold, God hath
given unto you a knowledge and
he hath made you free.

He hath given unto you that
ye might know good from evil,
and he hath given unto you that
ye might choose life or death;
and ye can do good and be
restored unto that which is
good, or have that which is good
restored unto you; or ye can do
evil, and have that which is evil
restored unto you.

Helaman 14:30-31

The part that hit me hardest was "ye are free; ye are permitted to act for yourselves; for behold, God hath given unto you a knowledge and he hath made you free." . I've obviously always known that I'm responsible for my actions and I choose to feel and act the way I do, but not like this. It was a serious reality check.

It became crystal clear to me that I need to pick and choose the way I react and handle things. No one can decide my emotions or words for me. It is completely 100% up to me to make the decision to be the person Heavenly Father intended me to be. Luckily, I was given multiple tools to help me like a prophet, the gospel, and many many friends and family members who are there to help me.

If Erik and I want to improve our family's spirituality, we need to do it. He has told us exactly how to do that and we need to act.

I need to give my worries away and focus on what is feasible and what is of lower importance. The effort I decide to put forth to change my irritability and stress is something I need to handle with prayer.

It's unbelievable how hearing this for the 409,234,034th time felt like the first the second I saw it in The Book of Mormon. It definitely strengthened my testimony. I'm soo glad I opened my scriptures last night. EXTREMELY glad. :)

I tend to forget how precious these two books are. I'm so glad I was reminded!